PERMISSIVE PARENTING STYLE

During the early 1960’s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool age children, she identified three types of parenting styles through naturalistic observation, parental interviews and other research methods.

And in this article I would focus more on the permissive parenting style as explained by Baumrind. She describes permissive parenting as the original parenting style and is also known as indulgent parenting. The parents following such a style of parenting have low expectations for self control and maturity, they rarely discipline their children. They are more responsive than demanding. They are non-traditional and lenient, allow considerable self regulation, and avoid confrontation. Baumrinds authoritative, authoritarian, permissive typologies are currently widely employed models of parenting styles.

Permissive Parents :

·       -  Have few rules or standards of behaviour

·        - When there are rules, they are often very inconsistent

·         -Are usually very nurturing and loving towards their kids

·         -Often seem more like a friend, rather than a parent

·         -May use bribery such as toys, gifts and food as a means to get child to behave

Children raised by permissive parents:

·        - Lack Self Discipline

·         -Sometimes have poor social skills

·         -May be self-involved and demanding

·         -May feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance

This style of parenting is characterized by lack of rules and little or no discipline. While these parents are very loving and nurturing, they often seem more like a friend to their child rather a parental figure.

Since these parents have few requirements for mature behaviour, children may lack skills in social settings. While they may be good at interpersonal communication, they lack other important skills such as sharing.

CAUSES, HOW AND WHY TO AVOID BEING A PERMISSIVE PARENT

“Many parents today misunderstand their role” says parenting expert Leonard Sax, “They often see their role as making sure the son or daughter gets into a top college and protecting their son or daughter from disappointment. They are there, providing the safety net in situation where it might be wiser to let the kid experience the consequences.”

Here are some common reasons as to why parents become too permissive, along with why and how they should change your ways.

1.       No routines or Limits

For many parents, life can get too hectic to follow through on their parenting plans, especially if it will take some work to get the kids on the right track. After a while, their family’s lack of routine can result in lazy, spoiled teens or tweens without schedules and responsibilities.

Like it or not the only way to change the situation is to become less permissive, and setting limits for the Family.

2.       Avoiding Conflict

Many parents find it easier to give in to their tween or teen’s demands rather get into an argument, so they become more lenient than they actually want to be. This may be particular to parents those who had a strict parenting themselves, so they try and relax their rules.

You can let go some minor things if you really hate conflict, but it’s crucial to your credibility as a parent to continue being tough about the things that matter.

3.       Making School an Excuse

Clever teens who want to escape their responsibilities at home often use schoolwork as an excuse, because parents compromise on anything for academics. Parents may think that they’re helping their child but by doing the latter’s job but this could actually hurt them in the long run.

To ensure that the children become an all-rounded adult, he/she needs to go through all his responsibilities and not just to boost his school grades.

4.       Trying to be a friend to your Teen

Some overly permissive parents are more concerned with their teenager liking them than being effective authority figures. Teens need authoritative parents to help them make the right decisions, not friends to gossip with.

If you’re ready to change your relationship with your teen, you need to stop pleasing them just to be addressed as a “Cool Mom” or a “Cool Dad” and make a big change by using your authority over your teens.

5.       Rewarding Kids with Technology

Tweens are getting smartphones at younger ages, often because they keep pestering their parents by begging them for the phone. But giving in isn’t good for your child, even if there is any silly justification to it, “my daughter can get a ride back home” or “my son has hurt himself” and so on.

But if you’ve already given your tween or teen a gadget than use to promote better behaviour.

Discipline begins at home. Parents need to discipline their children from the age the child is able to understand the situation and act accordingly. Children need parents that are authoritative for their well-being. And some parents are not able to discipline their children at home because they don’t possess “the look”, which is a non-verbal cue which means a lot to the kid. “The look” would indicate the child that his/her behaviour is not appropriate. This non-verbal cue has to be taught early and reinforced diligently with consequences for the inappropriate behaviour. And if this cue has been taught then the parents wouldn’t need to say anything a thousand times but just “the look” to get the child on board.  

I don’t believe that making a child’s wishes top priority is a demonstration of love. The parents are truly being negligent about their attitude towards parenting, which affects their tween or teens in the long run. On being permissive, they’re encouraging their children to be self-centred, demanding and unresponsive to the requests of adults unaware of the impact their behaviour on others. Naturally, these children don’t mature emotionally. Their manners are as poor as their social skills. The family’s home life becomes chaotic as their exhausted parents try to manage manipulative children who neither listen nor co-operate.

"Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put into that action."

Blessed Mother Teresa

Therefore  let’s learn to take the right decision for the younger one’s not to please them but for their well-being, sometimes the decisions or actions might be rude or hurt them at the moment but what matters is “the amount of love” we put into that action to bring the child on track.