Uninvolved Parenting Style

Uninvolved Parenting Style

In the early 60s psychologist Diana baumrind conducted experiments with parents, about different parental styles. The core purpose of the experiment was to observe and understand how parents differ in their responses to their children. As a result of the study four major styles where put forward. They are authoritarian authoritative permissive and neglectful. All style has its own particular impact on the development of the child.

Uninvolved parenting is one of the four types of parental styles. Its also called as neglecting parenting style. This parenting style is characterized by lack of responsiveness to the need of a child. Uninvolved parents make no demands to their children. Parents in uninvolved parental style are dismissive or even completely neglectful to their children.

Neglectful parents weigh so much on their own needs that they try ignoring the needs of their children. But in recent years it has become quiet clear that the least successful parental style is uninvolved. By the age of 3 children of uninvolved parents are already relatively high in aggression and such externalizing behaviors as temper tantrums. Furthermore they tend to perform very poorly in the class room and to display conduct disorders later in childhood they often become hostile selfish and rebellious adolescents ho lack meaningful long range goals and are prone to commit such antisocial and delinquent acts as alcohol and drug abuse, sexual misconduct truancy and a wide variety of criminal offenses. In effect these youngsters have neglectful detached parents whose actions seem to be saying “ I don’t care about you or what you do” a message that undoubtedly breeds resentment and the motivation to strike back at these aloof uncaring the adversaries or other authority figure.

Desiring the closeness in relationship is a good thing. However the way they go about achieving the relationship blurs the lines of the relationship. Instead of parent child relationship the relationship is seen as friend- friend relationship. They usually do not provide the care necessary for healthy emotional development.

Authoritarian Parenting Style

Authoritarian Parenting Style

The parenting styles can be seen varying along two orthogonal dimensions of demandingness and responsiveness.Authoritarian parents who are demanding but not responsive would treat both moral and conventional issues as more obligatory than would other parents.According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, an expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation."

Authoritarian parents usually don't give their children choices or options .They want the children to obey them blindly. They seldom express their love and care for the children , though they have it .The failure to follow the strict rules of parents will often result in punishment ,for which they won't give a proper explaination.Authoritarian parents are both more restrictive in granting adolescents jurisdiction over multifaceted issues and more likely to moralize conventional issues.

Charecteristics of children brought up by authoritarian parents

Authoritarian parenting style generally leades children who are obediant and proficient in accademics and job field.But they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.These children will be well diciplined and they will refrain from usage of drugs, alcohol etc.They would find it very difficult to adapt in social interactions and make friends. It becomes difficult for them to be popular among their peers and society.

The children trained by authoritarian parents are emotionally more sensitive and situations often puts them in anxiety and low self-esteem.This parenting style can affect the psychosocial development of a child.It makes some children more agressive outside home.Other children may act shy and fearful in social situations .These children are not encouraged to explore and find independently. They lack autonomy in their identity.In addition, although they may remain compliant, they can develop an overall mistrust of authority. They are taught to follow rules rather than take initiative, they are more capable of following instructions than becoming leaders. They are taught what to think rather than how to think. As a result, these children remain dependent emotionally into adulthood, sometimes even living in the parental home long after what would be considered emotionally healthy. This lack of independence, both emotional and physical, can result in low self-esteem. children growing up in authoritarian control slowly come to belive that they are unable to control themselves.This “learned helplessness” is a major component in the development of depression.

The authoritarianism in parents can be because of their misunderstandings, cultural backgrounds, or other circumstances.As far as possible, the rules in each home needs to

be consistent. Parents need to talk to each other about parental issues and try to provide a better atmosphere for the child.

References and bibliography

www.jstor.org

http://psychology.about.com/od/childcare/f/authoritarian-parenting.htm

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95

                             Authoritative parenting

There are many differences in the ways which parents use to bring up their children. However, they can be classified broadly into four. Authoritative style of parenting is one among them. Strategies adopted by parents can have intense impact on the child’s life and characters.

It is also known as assertive, balanced, or democratic style of parenting. It is a child centered approach where children are allowed to make their own decisions on the basis of their reasoning, rather than compulsion from others. The parents provide the children with a loving, caring and supportive home environment. They usually hold high expectations of their children’s  behaviour and progress, enforces certain household rules and includes their voice in the process of decision making in the family. These parents are responsive to children as in they are willing to listen to questions. When the child fails to meet expectations, they are more forgiving and nurturing rather than punishing. They expect the children to be self regulative.

  Characteristics of children brought up in authoritative style of parenting

These children normally tend to be happy, self-confident, and they easily develop autonomy. Chances are high that they will posses more effective social skills as compared to others, well behaved and successful at school and are respectful of others. They are  more capable and are liked.

A typical example of this type of parenting would be the instance in which in a parent teacher meeting in a school, a father asking his son why he was disruptive in class recently and what he thinks he should do to improve his behavior. Providing age appropriate opportunities for independent activities and decision making would be a step towards authoritative parenting.

Children brought up in this method seem to be more successful. Parents give punishments for misbehaving but, the reason for giving punishment is made known. Therefore, there is no blind obeying happening. A proper balance between control and independence is established. In the instance of a wrongdoing, it is made clear to the child why certain behaviours are not acceptable.

The major reasons for differences in  parenting styles are culture, personality of the parents, family size, parental background, socio-economic status, education and religion and norms set by religions. This style of parenting has got more positive outcomes in certain places  like Europe, but it is not that evident in other countries.

References and bibliography

Essentials of psychology – Douglas Bernstein

Cooper Smith, 1967, Mac Coby & Martin 1983

www.fountainmagazine.com

www.human.cornell.edu

www.everydaylife.blogspot.com

PERMISSIVE PARENTING STYLE

During the early 1960’s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool age children, she identified three types of parenting styles through naturalistic observation, parental interviews and other research methods.

And in this article I would focus more on the permissive parenting style as explained by Baumrind. She describes permissive parenting as the original parenting style and is also known as indulgent parenting. The parents following such a style of parenting have low expectations for self control and maturity, they rarely discipline their children. They are more responsive than demanding. They are non-traditional and lenient, allow considerable self regulation, and avoid confrontation. Baumrinds authoritative, authoritarian, permissive typologies are currently widely employed models of parenting styles.

Permissive Parents :

·       -  Have few rules or standards of behaviour

·        - When there are rules, they are often very inconsistent

·         -Are usually very nurturing and loving towards their kids

·         -Often seem more like a friend, rather than a parent

·         -May use bribery such as toys, gifts and food as a means to get child to behave

Children raised by permissive parents:

·        - Lack Self Discipline

·         -Sometimes have poor social skills

·         -May be self-involved and demanding

·         -May feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance

This style of parenting is characterized by lack of rules and little or no discipline. While these parents are very loving and nurturing, they often seem more like a friend to their child rather a parental figure.

Since these parents have few requirements for mature behaviour, children may lack skills in social settings. While they may be good at interpersonal communication, they lack other important skills such as sharing.

CAUSES, HOW AND WHY TO AVOID BEING A PERMISSIVE PARENT

“Many parents today misunderstand their role” says parenting expert Leonard Sax, “They often see their role as making sure the son or daughter gets into a top college and protecting their son or daughter from disappointment. They are there, providing the safety net in situation where it might be wiser to let the kid experience the consequences.”

Here are some common reasons as to why parents become too permissive, along with why and how they should change your ways.

1.       No routines or Limits

For many parents, life can get too hectic to follow through on their parenting plans, especially if it will take some work to get the kids on the right track. After a while, their family’s lack of routine can result in lazy, spoiled teens or tweens without schedules and responsibilities.

Like it or not the only way to change the situation is to become less permissive, and setting limits for the Family.

2.       Avoiding Conflict

Many parents find it easier to give in to their tween or teen’s demands rather get into an argument, so they become more lenient than they actually want to be. This may be particular to parents those who had a strict parenting themselves, so they try and relax their rules.

You can let go some minor things if you really hate conflict, but it’s crucial to your credibility as a parent to continue being tough about the things that matter.

3.       Making School an Excuse

Clever teens who want to escape their responsibilities at home often use schoolwork as an excuse, because parents compromise on anything for academics. Parents may think that they’re helping their child but by doing the latter’s job but this could actually hurt them in the long run.

To ensure that the children become an all-rounded adult, he/she needs to go through all his responsibilities and not just to boost his school grades.

4.       Trying to be a friend to your Teen

Some overly permissive parents are more concerned with their teenager liking them than being effective authority figures. Teens need authoritative parents to help them make the right decisions, not friends to gossip with.

If you’re ready to change your relationship with your teen, you need to stop pleasing them just to be addressed as a “Cool Mom” or a “Cool Dad” and make a big change by using your authority over your teens.

5.       Rewarding Kids with Technology

Tweens are getting smartphones at younger ages, often because they keep pestering their parents by begging them for the phone. But giving in isn’t good for your child, even if there is any silly justification to it, “my daughter can get a ride back home” or “my son has hurt himself” and so on.

But if you’ve already given your tween or teen a gadget than use to promote better behaviour.

Discipline begins at home. Parents need to discipline their children from the age the child is able to understand the situation and act accordingly. Children need parents that are authoritative for their well-being. And some parents are not able to discipline their children at home because they don’t possess “the look”, which is a non-verbal cue which means a lot to the kid. “The look” would indicate the child that his/her behaviour is not appropriate. This non-verbal cue has to be taught early and reinforced diligently with consequences for the inappropriate behaviour. And if this cue has been taught then the parents wouldn’t need to say anything a thousand times but just “the look” to get the child on board.  

I don’t believe that making a child’s wishes top priority is a demonstration of love. The parents are truly being negligent about their attitude towards parenting, which affects their tween or teens in the long run. On being permissive, they’re encouraging their children to be self-centred, demanding and unresponsive to the requests of adults unaware of the impact their behaviour on others. Naturally, these children don’t mature emotionally. Their manners are as poor as their social skills. The family’s home life becomes chaotic as their exhausted parents try to manage manipulative children who neither listen nor co-operate.

"Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put into that action."

Blessed Mother Teresa

Therefore  let’s learn to take the right decision for the younger one’s not to please them but for their well-being, sometimes the decisions or actions might be rude or hurt them at the moment but what matters is “the amount of love” we put into that action to bring the child on track.

Parenting Styles

Along with temperament, parenting styles also influences the way children responses to different situations. The idea of parenting faced a gradual change from "breaking he child's will" in eighteenth century to post 1945 era where children are allowed more freedom.

Parenting styles an vary across two dimensions:

1. Parental - acceptance - responsiveness

    The extend to which parents are supportive,sensitive to their children's needs and willing to provide 

    affection and praise when children meet expectations.

2. Demanding - control or Permissiveness - restrictiveness

    It refers to how much control over decisions lie with parents as opposed to the child.

Diana Baumrind studied 103 pre-school children from 95 families and identified three major parenting styles - Authoritarian, Authoritative and Permissive. Later Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin added a fourth parenting style - the Neglectful or Un-involved parenting style. Researchers have also identified, a new parenting style in some African American families the No Nonsense parenting style that falls between the authoritarian and the authoritative ie; it combines warmth and affection with parental control.

Factors that influence Parenting Styles

Why do parents differ in their parenting styles?

Though the authoritative parenting style is considered the most ideal of all, none can always be sure.When this kind of parenting seems beneficial in European- American kids in setting sensible expectation and realistic standards but for Asian- American families the warmth and supportiveness of authoritarian style would be better.

Socio-cultural and cross-cultural differences affect the way in which parents express affection and discipline their children. Although authoritative style is considered always ideal, the impact varies according to socio-cultural groups (Steinberg and Darling, 1994). Also parents would endorse styles that suits o their respective values and customs.

Increase rates of divorce and single parenthood evidently influences parenting styles. Since parents themselves feel distressed, they become more demanding, less nurturant, less sensitive and less available to their children.Divorced fathers, later may turn more restrictive and mothers less restrictive. The pre and post divorce marital conflicts severely affects their parenting styles. Family violence also pressurizes parenting. This has greater chances of leading to neglectful or uninvolved parenting style.

The context of parents - how they have learned have learned different decision making styles plays significant role on which style they would adopt for their child. Neighborhoods also, if dangerous, affects parenting. Parents may turn more authoritarian if surroundings are danger lurking.

The parenting style to be chosen also depends on the temperament of the child. For an easy child, authoritative or sometimes permissive parenting would be ideal whereas for a difficult child, more authoritarian parenting style would be necessary. Thus, one single style cannot be generalized for all families .

Every parent needs to analyze their child and choose on which parenting style they would employ.

References : Child Development and Education ;Teresa.M.Devitt,Jeanne Ellis Orman.Human Development;  Carol.K.Sigelman, Elizabeth. A Ridar. Human Develoment; D.E Papalia